Eat Shit, Disney. Eat shit and die.

First, let me say that I am not a man-hater or necessarily a feminist. I'm all for equality, though. I'm not a troll, either. I'm not trying to be inflammatory. And no, I am not a hippy all stinky with patchouli and wet wool, and I am NOT voting for Hillary Clinton.

I just finished watching the movie "Enchanted," which is one of Disney's new, modern, feel-good romances, starring Amy Adams and that guy who was cute in the 80s, then got plastic surgery and is now on Grey's Anatomy.

The movie started great. The princess, a total moron, falls for a prince, who is also a total moron, simply because they heard each other singing in the forest. It was a great setup. Then they all become "real," and are suddenly in Manhattan.

The Grey's Anatomy Yutz (let's just call him G.A.Y.), of course, falls instantly for the vacuous princess, and his fiance, who is an intelligent woman with (GASP)a career, sort of figures it out, but is okay with the whole thing.

Career women don't mind being tossed aside, and in the name of Disney-brand "true love," she ends up falling for the stupid, effeminate prince. Because surely, she must secretly want to be "the man" in the relationship.

In the finale, the queen, played by Susan Sarandon, turns into a dragon and is portrayed as an evil uber-bitch as she wants to keep her crown rather than leave it to her Forrest-Gumpy stepson, the effeminate prince. So she gets killed (to great cheers from the imagined audience), G.A.Y. of course ends up with the moron Amy Adams princess, and the effeminate prince gets the "smart," but oddly emotionless former G.A.Y. fiance by default. Everybody's happy, and the credits roll.

Am I the only one who was actually REALLY upset by this ending? I am actually still in a messy, slobbery rage over yet another misogynist-disguised-as-moralistic movie in which being a woman completely dependent on some man swooping in to SAVE her is the best thing to be?

That "true-love's kiss" is the most powerful thing in the world?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

It's 2008, and yet everyone in the world (even outside Taliban-controlled areas of the world) seems to think it's the middle ages as far as women are concerned.

According to Disney, these are the rules:
-If we women are meek, stupid, frail and pretty, we are in GREAT shape. We will get a man, who will make our lives complete.
-If we have brains in our heads, have a job, and rational perspectives on things, it's perfectly okay to just toss us aside in favor of someone who needs to be saved.

Just because I don't know how to make my own clothes, and I know how to form a thought in my brain, and actually, gods forbid EXPRESS my thoughts and opinions, I may as well be a dragon to be pushed off the top of a freaking building.

Susan Sarandon, who has always chosen her roles well in the past, should be ashamed of herself. Same with Amy Adams, who was BRILLIANT in "Junebug." Same with every single person who does anything for Disney. And shame on me for watching this film.

If you are a woman or know a woman who is even SLIGHTLY above average intelligence, don't bother putting yourself in the path of this movie.

This movie makes me feel completely worthless. If this is an expression of what the world is like, I don't want to live in it. I am ashamed to be a human. I wish there was some sort of magic laser that could transform me into some other creature than human. I wish I had an ice pick. If I did, I swear to all that is holy that I would lobotomize this demoralizing movie out of my head. If it failed and I died, it would still be worth it.

If anyone mentions "Disney" to me in anything other than a derogatory manor, I will smack them across their face.